On my journey towards the Catholic Church I have come into a bit of conflict. Several of my friends and family members are greatly concerned about me and it has caused a few rather heated discussions about theology and the faith.
I have a rather ferocious need to study and study and study some more, to find the answers to every little point and then to be able to defend that point with a well formed argument. As I have studied and studied, I still have yet to scratch the surface of the church's teaching although for now I feel I have a good handle on the basics and even a few of the more obscure.
That being said I have recently felt a great need to just set the theology books down and to simply focus on living out the words I have been consuming.
As Thomas a Kempis writes in his masterpiece "The Imitation of Christ"
If I knew all the things that
are in the world, and were not in charity, what should it help me
before God, who is to judge me according to my deeds?
...we ought to read books which are devotional and simple,
as well as those which are deep and difficult.
I feel that my need to be right about the Catholic Faith (though I feel it is right and true) has become something that I need to pull back from and simply live in love in charity with my friends and family who have expressed concern. To live by example and to devote myself more to "books which are devotional and simple" rather than the "deep and difficult".
I could learn every little detail of the faith, but the question would be, would I have loved as Christ loved or did I spend my time arguing with and belittling my fellow believer. I stand on the truth of the Church but it must always be in love.
Apologetics are wonderful, but there is a time and a place. I feel I am reaching a time to simply give myself to devotion and prayer and to cut back on the theology. I will still be going through the RCIA process, so it will be a balancing act, but one I think will be helpful in maintaining the bonds of friendship.